My beautiful sister passed away suddenly at the young age of 48. We were born only 15 months apart, and she was my first best friend. We did everything together. We wore matching clothes, rode our Big Wheels, played with the same dolls, and styled our hair alike, whether in braids or ponytails. We roller-skated, celebrated holidays and birthdays, went to the same schools, joined Blue Birds, talked about boys, sang and danced to our favorite music, hung out with friends, and worked together at two different restaurants. We were inseparable growing up.

When she moved away to college at 18, I was sad, grieving, and missing her. She lived in many different states and became a registered nurse, a flight nurse, a writer, and a baker. She left behind four amazing children, grandchildren, a loving husband, four sisters, other relatives, and countless friends.

Her sudden illness was a shock. She went to the emergency room twice, thinking she had a severe flu. She was prescribed medication and sent home both times. She stopped breathing at home, and her husband performed CPR before she was transported to the hospital by ambulance. She stopped breathing on and off and eventually passed away at the hospital where she and her husband worked. She was a healthy, hardworking 48-year-old woman. She tragically died from food poisoning and sepsis due to being misdiagnosed at the ER. It was devastating and heartbreaking.

My sister and I were close throughout our early childhood, teens, 20s, and 30s, but we drifted apart in our late 30s. I never got to say goodbye to her. One phone call shattered our world. She posted on Facebook constantly. I called her a face-bookaholic. Her absence on Facebook was a painful reminder of her loss. Sometimes, I still can’t believe she’s gone. There were things I never got to say to her, leaving unspoken words and unfinished business that troubled me.

Grief returned like a familiar dark cloud, following me everywhere. It came in waves, and I questioned God: why her? Why does this keep happening to me and my family? I thought about the rumor of the curse that was put on my mom’s family in Texas. Was it the Gonzalez curse? I tried to push that superstition out of my mind.

When my sister died, we had just lost our father to heart failure and COPD. We had already lost our mother to cancer. My favorite aunt was struggling with COPD and asthma. My friend was in a war with stage three cancer. I felt trapped on an emotional rollercoaster, desperate to get off. I was struggling.

When my sister died, It felt like we had been robbed. Her children, her husband, and her grandchildren had been robbed, too. Throughout her nursing career, my sister saved many lives. Her coworkers and friends could not save her life despite their best efforts. I was shocked, sad, and utterly exhausted. Sleep eluded me, and guilt over our family squabbles gnawed at me. We had unresolved issues and unfinished business.

This was another unbearable loss. My family was shrinking and disappearing, and I could not fathom it. I still miss her and think about her all the time. I cherish our memories together and show pictures of her in my house. I still talk to her, talk about her, and post about her on my social media. She deserves to be remembered.

The Unique Nature of Sibling Loss

Shared History: Siblings often share a unique bond, having grown up together and experienced many of life’s milestones side-by-side. This shared history can intensify the sense of loss.

Role Shifts: The death of a sibling can disrupt family dynamics, leading to shifts in roles and responsibilities within the family.

Unresolved Issues: It’s common for siblings to have unresolved conflicts or unspoken words. These unresolved issues can complicate the grieving process.

Common Emotions Experienced

Shock and Disbelief: The first reaction to the news of a sibling’s death is often shock and disbelief, especially if the death was sudden or unexpected.

Anger and Guilt: Anger may arise, directed at oneself, others, or even the deceased sibling. Guilt can also be a significant emotion stemming from unsaid or unresolved things.

Profound Sadness: The deep sense of loss and sadness can be overwhelming, as it involves the loss of a sibling and the future that was expected to be shared.

Loneliness and Isolation: The loss of a sibling can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, mainly if the sibling is a primary source of support and companionship.

Coping Strategies

Allow Yourself to Grieve: Grieving is a personal and unique process. Allow yourself to feel and express your emotions without judgment. It’s okay to cry, to be angry, and to feel sad.

Seek Support: Reach out to family members, friends, or support groups. Sharing your feelings with others who have experienced similar losses can give comfort and understanding.

Create Rituals and Memorials: Honoring your sibling’s memory through rituals, like lighting a candle, creating a scrapbook, or visiting their favorite places, can help keep their memory alive.

Professional Help: Consider seeking support from a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, a licensed therapist, a spiritual/religious advisor, or a counselor specializing in grief. Professional guidance can give coping mechanisms and help navigate the complex emotions associated with loss.

Take Care of Yourself: Grief can affect your physical and emotional well-being. Try to eat well, get enough sleep, and engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Express Your Emotions: Writing in a journal, creating art, or engaging in other creative outlets can be therapeutic ways to process and express your emotions.

Stay Connected: Maintaining connections with other family members and friends is crucial. They can offer support and a sense of continuity during a change.

Participating in the Grief Recovery Method Program

I had participated in the online one-on-one Grief Recovery Method Program with individual sessions twice before to process a few other losses. To process the loss of my sister, I participated in an online GRM support group. We had an excellent male Grief Recovery Specialist and a wonderful group of all-female grievers.

I was the only one in the support group that was processing the loss of a sibling. The other grievers were supportive and caring. Everyone in the group had experienced significant losses, as well. It was an intense, emotional, and exhausting but helpful process. I told my sister the things I never had the chance to say to her through completing the homework and exercises while working in a small group. The program helped me move through my grief and find peace and healing.

Structured Approach: GRM offers a structured, step-by-step process to work through grief. This structured approach can be particularly helpful when dealing with the overwhelming emotions that go with the loss of a sibling.

Emotional Completion: The program focuses on completing any unresolved emotional business related to the loss. This can be especially beneficial if you have unresolved issues or unspoken words with your sibling.

Supportive Environment: GRM provides a safe and supportive environment where you can share your feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. This support can be a vital part of the healing process.

Action-Oriented: Unlike traditional talk therapy, GRM is action-oriented, encouraging you to take specific steps toward healing. This can empower you to actively work through your grief rather than feeling passive and helpless.

Tools and Techniques: The program teaches practical tools and techniques to help you manage and move through your grief. These skills can be applied to other areas of your life, enhancing your overall emotional well-being.

Long-Term Healing

Acceptance and Adjustment: Over time, the intensity of grief may lessen, but the sense of loss may stay. Acceptance doesn’t mean forgetting your sibling but learning to live with the loss.

Finding Meaning: Many people find comfort in giving back or getting involved in causes that are important to their siblings. This can give a sense of purpose and connection.

Continuing Bonds: It’s normal to continue feeling a connection to your sibling. Talking to them in your mind, keeping their belongings, or celebrating their birthdays can be ways to keep this bond.

Conclusion

The Grief Recovery Method program helped me deal with the grief, pain, and loss caused by the death of a sister. Grieving the loss of a sibling is a deeply personal journey. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and the process can take time. Be patient with yourself, seek support, and find ways to honor your sibling’s memory. Healing does not mean forgetting but finding a way to carry your sibling’s memory in a way that brings you peace. I will always remember my sister. She deserves to be remembered.

Participating in the Grief Recovery Method program can offer valuable tools and support to help you navigate this challenging time and move toward a place of healing and emotional completeness.

If you are experiencing difficulty coping with the loss of a sibling, consider reaching out to grief counselors or support groups, including those offering the Grief Recovery Method, for more help and resources. Thank you for reading this article and for reading my story. Grief still sucks.

Written by Franceen Rea, MSW, BSW, GRMS