Grief is a natural response to loss, but the way individuals cope with grief can sometimes lead to unhealthy patterns. Unhealthy grieving involves suppressing emotions, avoiding the grieving process, or turning to destructive coping mechanisms. Recognizing and addressing these signs is crucial for emotional healing and overall well-being.

Signs of Unhealthy Grieving

Suppressing Emotions

• Denial: Refusing to acknowledge the loss or the pain associated with it.
• Emotional Numbness: Avoiding feelings of sadness, anger, or other emotions related to grief.

Avoiding the Grieving Process

• Distraction: Constantly engaging in activities to avoid thinking about the loss. Working long hours is an example of distraction. Some people become workaholics and keep busy to avoid thinking about their grief and pain.
• Isolation: Withdrawing from friends, family, and social activities.

Destructive Coping Mechanisms

• Substance Abuse: Using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain or escape reality. Smoking and vaping can be addictive. Mixing prescription drugs with alcohol is dangerous. All of these affect your health, mental health, relationships with family and friends, and your work or grades in college/school.
• Addictive Behaviors: Engaging in excessive gaming, social media use, sex, pornography, gambling, overeating, or overexercising to avoid dealing with grief.

Consequences of Unhealthy Grieving

Unhealthy grieving can have serious physical, emotional, and psychological consequences, including:

• Mental Health Issues: Increased risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders.
• Physical Health Problems: Weakened immune system, chronic fatigue, and other stress-related illnesses.
• Strained Relationships: Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships with family and friends.
• Impaired Functioning: Reduced ability to function effectively at work, school, or daily life.

Strategies for Healthy Grieving

Acknowledge Your Emotions

• Allow Yourself to Feel: Give yourself permission to experience and express your emotions, whether sadness, anger, or relief.
• Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your feelings.

Engage in the Grieving Process

• Reflect on Your Loss: Take time to think about your loss and what it means to you.
• Create Rituals: Memorialize your loved one or mark the loss in meaningful ways, such as through ceremonies, creating art, or journaling/writing.

Adopt Healthy Coping Mechanisms

• Physical Activity: Regular exercise can help manage stress and improve mood. Walking, walking your dog, doing chair yoga, regular yoga, pilates, jogging, dancing, playing pickleball, and other sports are great choices.
• Mindfulness and Meditation: Practice mindfulness or meditation to stay present and process your emotions.
• Creative Outlets: Express and process your grief through art, music, dance, writing, or other creative activities.

Build a Support Network

• Support Groups: Join a grief support group where you can share your experiences with others who understand.
• Professional Help: Seek counseling or therapy if you’re struggling to cope with your grief.

Set Realistic Expectations

• Give Yourself Time: Understand that grief is a process that takes time. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and it’s okay to have good and bad days.
• Be Kind to Yourself: Practice self-compassion and avoid self-criticism. Acknowledge that you’re doing your best in a difficult situation.

When to Seek Help

If you or someone you know is experiencing signs of unhealthy grieving, it’s important to seek professional help. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional if you notice:

• Persistent feelings of depression or hopelessness.
• Inability to perform daily activities.
• Reliance on substances or addictive behaviors to cope.
• Intense anger or guilt related to the loss.
• Your Grief negatively affects your social functioning, relationships, occupational functioning, or academic performance.
• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide. Call 988, the 24/7 suicide hotline.

Conclusion

Grief is a deeply personal and challenging experience but recognizing and addressing unhealthy grieving patterns can lead to healthier coping and emotional healing. By acknowledging your emotions, engaging in the grieving process, adopting healthy coping mechanisms, and building a support network, you can navigate your grief journey more effectively and find a path toward healing.

Author: Franceen Rea, MSW, ASW, GRMS